Giving up

I feel like a bit of a train wreck at the moment. As you might of guessed from my recent silence, I didn’t pass the exam. I did well in the OSCE, but failed the written, not by much but still a fail. Despite spending my whole Christmas holiday revising (new low – revision on Christmas day), I’m not confident that I’ve passed the re-sit exam either.

Today was our first day back at uni. We had an induction day in preparation for the clinical phase we’re about to enter. Except, I might not be allowed to enter the clinical phase but as we don’t get results until next week, I still have to attend the induction. The day also involved everyone asking how the exams went and our group supervisor greeting us with “congratulations everyone on passing the exams, except for anyone who didn’t’”. Pretty much just constant reminders of my failure, so today was pretty rubbish.

If I have to re-sit the year, I really don’t know if I’ve got it in me to do so. I really just feel like quitting everything right now, not just medicine but the world, and refusing to leave my bed and self-destructing. I would resit the year obviously as Medicine is the only thing I want to do but the thought of going back a year is completely soul destroying. I genuinely worked so hard last term, and yet other people passed no problem, so what’s wrong with me? Why are my brains so shit?

I’m also exhausted from a hard 15 hour locum shift I did at the weekend, and idiotically I’ve agreed to do a 15 hour shift every weekend bar two until the end of March. But, I’m poor so I don’t really have much choice.

Sorry for this torrent of self-pity. I’m just really tired and demoralised and needed to have a rant. I'll get over it, but I just need to mope for a while.