The results came out, and as expected, my name wasn't on the pass list. Even though I was expecting it, it still hit me pretty hard. I passed the OSCEs but not the written exam. We don't find out our marks until tomorrow so I won't know until then how far away I was from the pass mark.
I've heard several times that it's rare to get through medical school without failing something, but to fail the first proper examination still seems like something a person capable of becoming a doctor shouldn't be doing. I calculated that approximately one fifth of the year failed, which makes me feel slightly better though.
I have to say that everyone is being so supportive. Several friends have offered to help me if they can. The uni are running revision days, have organised individual feedback meetings and have set up a special forum were we can ask questions to the module leads directly. A group of second years who also failed this exam are putting on revision sessions for us every weekday evening for the next two weeks and have offered us a specific second year mentor should we want it. On top of attending all of these revision sessions I'm planning on just getting up early and working really hard all day every day. There's 2 weeks until the resits, so hopefully if I make the time count I can pass the resit exams. I think that even if I weren't to do any revision I would still do better in the resits than the first time just because of how crap my brain was on the day of the exams, partly from the end of a migraine and partly from just being really worked up and stressed. I remember at one point in the exams, I couldn't even remember what the uterus was called or the name of the commonly used anti-depressant drug citalopram (something I see all the time as a Pharmacist)! I'm still going to work my ass off though.
Even though everyone's being so nice, it still feels really shameful to have failed this exam, especially after all of the hard work I did, and the good career I gave up, to get into med school. I haven't had the heart to tell my family yet. I don't want to disappoint them, but I'll have to tell them soon.